Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
