first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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