well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
