don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
