I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
