just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Green mimosas i think yes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
