Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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