He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
