Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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