i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
