i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
