this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
