After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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