It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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