Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
