I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
