I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
