are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
