marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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