i already hear my dad disowning me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
