Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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