What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
