that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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