oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
