I'm going to rape someone's good day.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
