Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
