My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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