Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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