Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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