If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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