Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
