its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
