i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
