My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
True strength comes from lack of pants
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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