it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He felt like a one man threesome
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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