I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
