so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
