Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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