Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
