i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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