Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
