I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
