whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
