you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
