I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
