I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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