South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My vagina is officially offended.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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