i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
