You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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