why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
