theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
