Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
